2009 - A Great Year

Dickens started his great tale “It was the best of times, it was the worst of times…” So this year was for us. We were hard pressed on every side by emotional distress, financial disaster, and spiritual despair. Nearly crushed by the weight of it all, we endured. The Lord does not place on us burdens we cannot withstand. Indeed, I believe his discipline is for our strength; through it we become mighty in Him.

The story of this year starts in 2006. We were financially stable and tithing. We decided to buy a home. It was an impulsive decision, something we wanted, but for which we weren’t prepared. The costs of the home were more than expected and after a time making payments became difficult. One month, the decision came. There wasn’t enough money to pay both the tithe and the all the bills. It wasn’t even a question. God forgives, Visa does not. We only skimped a little but it was a slippery slope. Over time, our tithing sputtered and died.

I struggle to articulate the foolishness of our decision. There really is no excuse. We had both seen God provide miraculously in the past. He paid for our wedding, our reception, and our Honeymoon. He had Leta’s wedding dress created by a vogue-published designer essentially for free. He financed our move to Atlanta with someone unexpectedly showing up with a check for $1000 on the day we were leaving. He generously provided abundance that increased my salary over 300% in less than 10 years. Somehow though, despite it all, I still had not learned to rely on him. God knew it, even if I didn’t

We buckled down and made plan after plan. Plan after plan failed. In 2008 we saw the divine patience begin to give out. We had nearly $10,000 in out-of-pocket medical expenses and no salary increase. By March of 2009 my creative solutions had kept us afloat but we had accumulated nearly $100,000 in unsecured debt. We were in trouble and freefalling to the tune of almost $2,000 per month.

God was done waiting on us to see the light. He sent the final warning April 1, 2009. My company announced that they were merging with a major competitor. For the first time in years, my job was at risk. We put our heads together and tried to decide what to do. With pressure mounting on all sides, we approached our church for counseling.

Counseling was easy. We knew the first answer. Tithe. The second answer was pray. Now someone reading this is saying, “That approach wouldn’t work for me.” I’ve heard the arguments and have made them myself. It won’t work. It can’t be done. The money isn’t there. Our counselor dubbed our situation “the most hopeless case I’ve ever seen” and “only the second time in 9 years I’ve counseled bankruptcy.” I can’t tell you what to do I can only tell you what we did. We tithed; we prayed; and we looked for God to show us solutions.

God responded immediately when we began tithing. The money just appeared out of nowhere. It wasn’t enough to solve our problems. God wasn’t through with us but it was enough to show that He was there waiting.

Did you know that if you make over a certain amount it’s almost impossible to successfully declare bankruptcy? We were ready to do it. Give up everything and walk away. But a law change in 2006 said that I made about $450/month too much money to do so. The sticking point ultimately, again, came down to the tithe. Now we were wiser and refused to give in. We would not give up the tithe.

From May through November little positive happened. The collectors called and we waited for God to show up. I found that time especially difficult. It seemed to me that unless God provided a miracle, my only options amounted to total failure. It added up to being enslaved by my debt for the rest of my working life. Perhaps if we were careful and diligent and lucky we could dig ourselves out of our hole by retirement. It was truly slavery where all of our disposable funds would be absorbed by our creditors with no resolution. I told myself constantly that surely God didn’t want me to be a slave this way. I wouldn’t be a slave!

Nothing happened and I died a bit at a time. One day as I was reading the Bible I came across a passage where Paul told slaves how to act towards their masters and to become free “if they could.” It occurred to me that perhaps it was God’s purpose for me to live in slavery to debt. Perhaps by living a life of hope in that awful situation my testimony could shine for those who otherwise would not see it. God had asked others to live with worse. Financial freedom itself had become an idol to me and it was time to give it up. I resigned myself to the possibility of losing my future hopes and dreams if God had other plans for me.

As I let go of my plans and said “your will Lord”, God showed up. It was difficult and complex, but God changed the complexion of our problems. Tens of thousands of dollars were removed from the debt. What remained was restructured and we went from -$2000 per month to a little in the black each month.

Dozens of other things settled themselves. My job stabilized into essentially what I was doing before, except for an organization 5 times the size. I attained my PMP certification. Our medical expenses started disappearing. Most importantly, our lives were back in sync with God’s will.

Sometimes success requires a paradigm shift. Not only a shift in what you are doing but a shift in the way you see the world. The Christian Life itself is a paradigm shift. God is gentle with us and within our walk we find ourselves shifted again and again towards God’s unique perspective.

Burdens

“Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him;” Psalms 37:7

There are times when the burden seems too great. Sometimes new weight comes from responsibilities gained in promotion or success. Sometimes the load increases due to my own failures and irresponsibility. Once in a while it is the mere whim of chance that adds tonnage to my load.

I groan and shudder under the pressure. “How did I get here?” I wonder. My spirit quivers. The pain and exhaustion are too much to bear. Yet I bear it.

So many times I’ve been here, where my spirit and my heart seem to be beyond the edge of what they can take. Each time though I find that I can take it. Am I broken? Perhaps I am. But still I stand.

Always it happens. Weeks pass. Months pass. Sinew and bone have thickened and I am transformed. I am new again, a new creation. The old is gone and I barely remember it. The burden is not carried easily, but it is bearable now. Before hope was obscured in pain, after it is bright before me. I find I can bear it.

It is only these memories that sustain me in times of vast seas of pain, when I am walking by faith and not by sight. When I am tempted by despair, he will not temp me more than I can bear. He makes this clear in 1 Corinthians 10:13. He’s made it clear in my life.

So I sit still before Him my heart crushed in my chest. A tear meanders its way down my cheek. My heavy soul cannot even lift my eyes to look for Him. I see only shadow and death. Waiting is hard. I want to scream out. I want to fight. I want to beat against the chains that bind me. But I must wait for Him.

He has promised release, a rescue from the darkness that surrounds me. His word promises redemption, freedom, and restoration. He will replace ashes, mourning, and despair, with beauty, gladness, and praise. He will grow me into something more, to display His splendor.

But I must wait. A tree does not grow in a day; a grove does not spring up overnight. When the growing is completed though, it will provide shade and comfort for those beneath its bows. The Lord is thanked for the shade. And on the edges of its domain, seed falls and the grove expands.

I must wait upon the Lord.

God's Loom

A sestina is a rigidly structured 39 line poem. It is composed of 6 stanzas of 6 lines followed by a final stanza of 3 lines. The last word of each line is reused in the following stanza but the lines are re-ordered. This order changes in a specific pattern for each of the 6 stanzas. In the final stanza, all 6 words are used, again in a specific pattern. The final structure is a highly stylized, interwoven poem. I felt that this was quite symbolic of the way God weaves seemingly unrelated events together in life to make a whole. Thus the poem emerged.

A Sestina is a great writing exercise as it requires a careful use of words to lessen the repetition in a very repetitive poem style. Smart, careful use of wording is critical.

Here is the wikipedia article with more info: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sestina.

God's Loom

The cloth of life is made with care by God.
Both strong and firm his hands the fabric weaves.
And while sometimes we think that life is mean,
The truth we feel within our soul and spirit.
We hide our hearts but still the call does ring
Oh come, oh come and see the pretty lights.

We gaze upon the bright, celestial lights,
And all around we see that he is God,
In lightning strikes and in the rainbow’s ring,
In clouds, and trees, and silken spider weaves,
In lion’s roars and winter’s weary spirit,
His pattern lives in things both great and mean.

His son, a thread, He drew across the mean
Whose word, a flame, inside our hearts He lights.
To mend again our tattered world and spirit,
Our Jesus Christ who was both man and God,
His life, a thread, a path, through darkness weaves
and brings us home with crown and wedding ring.

Before we own the crown and wedding ring,
The Holy Spirit whispers what they mean,
One with our soul he shows us God’s great weaves,
And in our heart he flutters then he lights
He says, “You are the child and bride of God.
Through me we are both joined in heart and spirit.”

A man is first a sick and broken spirit
He’s blind and in the dark his cry does ring
He’s still a lovely thread to holy God
Who finds the place to place a thread that’s mean.
Responding to His touch fills man with lights,
Together Spirit, lights, and crown He weaves.

Responding not, one who rejects God’s weaves,
a broken strand, his bent and darkened spirit
still blends inside the cloth with those with lights
contrasting those with Spirit, crown and ring.
And though he hates our king as one who’s mean
Still none oppose the mighty hand of God.

So move among His weaves and find your ring.
Then He who loves your spirit even mean
will fill your life with lights and be your god.

Here Be Dragons: Tales of DragonCon Review

This limited edition book is probably out of your reach unless you picked it up at DragonCon 2008. If, however, you have managed to get your paws on it you will find that it is well worth the effort. I am not a fan of short story anthologies; too often I find myself facing stories or authors that I dislike. By contrast, “Here Be Dragons: Tales of DragonCon” managed to keep me interested throughout.
As you would expect from the all-star author team, the stories are well written and interesting. To me, however, the books greatest strength is its internal thematic consistency. In a panel I attended, Bill Fawcett described the book as “Stories set here, at DragonCon.” Mr. Fawcett, the editor, spoke truly, but I found deeper connections between the stories. The required environment of DragonCon which ties the tales together, leads to writing that at first glance is almost formulaic. Taking the whole book into account, however, you find these similarities developing into strong underlying themes. I assume that the harmony between the stories is unintentional, but I found them to be wonderfully revealing of the character of DragonCon.
Most prominent is the theme of the freedom of self expression that runs rampant at the Con. DragonCon is a place where the characters can be themselves without fear or ridicule or miss-understanding. Some of the protagonists almost live solely for the yearly event. Others find a new love, start new lives, or realize new amazing things about themselves. The implication that these things could only have emerged in the accepting environment of the convention is clear.
Another theme that runs less clearly through the stories is the dangers of the suspension of reality. This is a particularly odd theme as in many ways it contradicts the first. But who can deny that the Con’s fantastic atmosphere is a realm where deception is encouraged. Often both themes run through the same story where the very suspension of reality that allows a character the anonymity to be themselves, either camouflages danger or hides something wonderful. The inability to distinguish the real from glamour is the source of many of the various heroes’ problems.
Finally, in the anthology you will find something that is more feature than theme but still unifies the stories strongly. Throughout the book you will find silent and not-so-silent nods to con celebrities and to DragonCon itself. With the references coming every few sentences, Todd McCaffrey’s story is less a nod and more like vigorous head-banging. Many of the other authors have lots of familiar faces, but simply don’t achieve the 80’s hair band effect that Mr. McCaffrey’s tale does. Beyond the nods to celebrities, the experiences that unite so many convention attendees also run rampant through the book. For many, these stories will hit deeper and seem more real, because they occur in a place readers have actually walked.
The bottom line is that these are well written stories that will appeal to anyone who has attended Dragon Con and many people who have not. Read the book if you can get your hand on it. Maybe, if we’re lucky, Mr. Fawcett will put the book out there for Print on Demand purchase for those who weren’t lucky enough to pick it up at the Con.

Pump up the Muse

Sometimes I find writing is hard to start. The first several minutes are all rusty hinges, steep inclines, and boggy soil. Sometimes I slog for hours instead of minutes hoping to see the swamp end. Eventually, I do loosen up and begin to write. However, I have always wanted to reach this fertile land easier and faster, so I have come up with several techniques to help me.

To talk about finding my way to through this swamp, I first need to speak to how I write. There are three main phases to writing for me. The spiritual, where I find the idea or the Muse, comes first. It gives me the seed that I plant and grow. The second phase is the Creative or writing stage. It is where the story sprouts and becomes mature. During this phase it all gets written down. Another important fact is that the Muse phase must always proceed each session of the Creative phase. Without the energy provided by my spiritual focus, it can be quite difficult to break through the soil and reach for truth. Finally comes the Pruning or editing phase. This is mostly about blood and sweat and, thus, presents motivational problems.

Taking all this into account, my first answer to writing problems is usually light exercise. For me light exercise means walking or, when I’m healthier, jogging. There have been several published psychological studies proving the correlation between moderate to light exercise and enhanced creativity. These studies showed not only the immediate benefits to the exercising individual, but creativity enhancing effects that last more than two hours post exercise. Furthermore, there is near limitless anecdotal evidence for enhanced post-exercise creativity in the writings of runners. I say all this to support my contention that when I am bogged down, the single most powerful tool to move forward in either the Creative or Muse stages of writing is nothing more significant than a long brisk walk.

The Muse stage benefits most from physical exercise. Almost every story I have written has gained its soul during a long walk. I think part of this may be because of the distractions of the modern age. It is harder for full ideas to shape themselves among the hustle and bustle of the noisy home or office.

A second important tool to move past being bogged down is isolation. That may seem obvious. In our busy lives today, however, it may be far easier to consider isolation than to do it. Much of my isolation is achieved as a tradeoff for sleep. Free time away from the office is often filled with family activities and chores. I am sure I am not alone in this. None-the-less, isolation is a great tool to help all stages of writing. It is especially effective during the Pruning phase. I often try to fool myself into thinking that I can edit in front of the T.V. or while riding in the car. Realistically, editing is hard enough to achieve without constant distractions.

The third major tool I sometimes use is introspection. Why is introspection important? My writing, even when I try to suppress it, is scarred by what I believe in my heart. The twisted thorns of truth that my subconscious mind has truly accepted lay beneath the surface of all my writing. To be sure J.R.R. Tolkein’s stories, despite his attempt to create a pure fantasy, blaze with Christian symbolism. Similarly, all good writing is an overflow of the heart.

Introspection comes into play during the Creative phase and even more so during the Pruning phase. Why is it so important? I find that most of us don’t even know what we really believe. Why do I spend money I don’t have, work too much, eat too much, love too little, and basically do things that my mind tells me are stupid? To be frank, this is because very rarely are my actions driven by what I think. My decisions are driven by what I think. My actions, which often contradict my decisions, are driven by my heart. As I said earlier, writing is an overflow of the heart. Right or wrong, my goal must be first and foremost to sharpen the thorns that are hidden in my writing. This will transform my writing from good to magnificent.

My fourth and final tool I use is music. This may not work for everyone but it works for me. I find it tremendously valuable in all stages of writing. Basically Music can be used to leverage each of the above techniques. Music provides energy and helps me move towards the spiritual. It can be used to isolate me from my surroundings. As what moves me is often much more driven by my heart than my mind, music can also help my introspection. A whole essay could be devoted just to the power of music to enhance writing creativity, but that is for another time. Suffice it to say that when I’m having a down writing day, I often pump of the music and thus, pump up my muse. With my muse on fire, the writing comes.

Chris.

DragonCon 2008

After reading about it forever, I went to DragonCon this year for the first time. It was awesome and went far beyond my expectations.

My son and I arrived to see the parade Saturday morning. We loved it. My little boy marveled at the comic book characters, cheered for the star wars troopers, and refused to give the witch with the detached hand a high five. As we hopped on the MARTA and headed home, he was just tickled pink.

After an hour or two, I headed back to the Con and got in line. It only took a few moments to get registered and head towards the first panel. The writer’s track turned out to be my first great choice of the con. The panels were great and gave me some great ideas. Keith DeCandido and Jospha Sherman were in several panels adding humor and valuable info. The best quote of the con came during one of these panels as well, “You need to drag the reader across the page by their eyeballs.”

Later, I decided to head over to the SF Lit track and check it out. This was my second great choice at the con. The panel “The golden age of Science Fiction” blew me away. The panelists were tremendously informed and the moderator was a cute young lady by the name of Stephanie Souders. She intrigued me a bit. It was odd to see a twenty-something sitting at the table between two older men, talking sensibly about fiction that was written way before she was born. I actually selected a couple of other literary track opportunities to see her specifically. She didn’t disappoint me and proved to be well informed and well spoken. Larry Davis was another great panelist. This track was terrific and complimented the writer’s track perfectly. Special thanks to Sue Phillips, the Track director.

Gaming at the con was another special experience. I played “Cash and Guns” one night and loved it so much I bought it the next day. Another day, I saw “Playing Gods” which premiered at the con. Bottom line, even if you’re not into fantasy and sci-fi, but love board, miniature, or card gaming, DragonCon still has something for you.

Overall, DragonCon is worth the 90 bucks I paid to go. I’ve signed up to go next year, and I encourage anyone who loves writing, fantasy, science fiction, gaming, robots, anime, movies, or just a good time to check the convention out in 2010.