Monday, August 10, 2009

Burdens

“Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him;” Psalms 37:7

There are times when the burden seems too great. Sometimes new weight comes from responsibilities gained in promotion or success. Sometimes the load increases due to my own failures and irresponsibility. Once in a while it is the mere whim of chance that adds tonnage to my load.

I groan and shudder under the pressure. “How did I get here?” I wonder. My spirit quivers. The pain and exhaustion are too much to bear. Yet I bear it.

So many times I’ve been here, where my spirit and my heart seem to be beyond the edge of what they can take. Each time though I find that I can take it. Am I broken? Perhaps I am. But still I stand.

Always it happens. Weeks pass. Months pass. Sinew and bone have thickened and I am transformed. I am new again, a new creation. The old is gone and I barely remember it. The burden is not carried easily, but it is bearable now. Before hope was obscured in pain, after it is bright before me. I find I can bear it.

It is only these memories that sustain me in times of vast seas of pain, when I am walking by faith and not by sight. When I am tempted by despair, he will not temp me more than I can bear. He makes this clear in 1 Corinthians 10:13. He’s made it clear in my life.

So I sit still before Him my heart crushed in my chest. A tear meanders its way down my cheek. My heavy soul cannot even lift my eyes to look for Him. I see only shadow and death. Waiting is hard. I want to scream out. I want to fight. I want to beat against the chains that bind me. But I must wait for Him.

He has promised release, a rescue from the darkness that surrounds me. His word promises redemption, freedom, and restoration. He will replace ashes, mourning, and despair, with beauty, gladness, and praise. He will grow me into something more, to display His splendor.

But I must wait. A tree does not grow in a day; a grove does not spring up overnight. When the growing is completed though, it will provide shade and comfort for those beneath its bows. The Lord is thanked for the shade. And on the edges of its domain, seed falls and the grove expands.

I must wait upon the Lord.