Sunday, March 28, 2010

2009 - A Great Year

Dickens started his great tale “It was the best of times, it was the worst of times…” So this year was for us. We were hard pressed on every side by emotional distress, financial disaster, and spiritual despair. Nearly crushed by the weight of it all, we endured. The Lord does not place on us burdens we cannot withstand. Indeed, I believe his discipline is for our strength; through it we become mighty in Him.

The story of this year starts in 2006. We were financially stable and tithing. We decided to buy a home. It was an impulsive decision, something we wanted, but for which we weren’t prepared. The costs of the home were more than expected and after a time making payments became difficult. One month, the decision came. There wasn’t enough money to pay both the tithe and the all the bills. It wasn’t even a question. God forgives, Visa does not. We only skimped a little but it was a slippery slope. Over time, our tithing sputtered and died.

I struggle to articulate the foolishness of our decision. There really is no excuse. We had both seen God provide miraculously in the past. He paid for our wedding, our reception, and our Honeymoon. He had Leta’s wedding dress created by a vogue-published designer essentially for free. He financed our move to Atlanta with someone unexpectedly showing up with a check for $1000 on the day we were leaving. He generously provided abundance that increased my salary over 300% in less than 10 years. Somehow though, despite it all, I still had not learned to rely on him. God knew it, even if I didn’t

We buckled down and made plan after plan. Plan after plan failed. In 2008 we saw the divine patience begin to give out. We had nearly $10,000 in out-of-pocket medical expenses and no salary increase. By March of 2009 my creative solutions had kept us afloat but we had accumulated nearly $100,000 in unsecured debt. We were in trouble and freefalling to the tune of almost $2,000 per month.

God was done waiting on us to see the light. He sent the final warning April 1, 2009. My company announced that they were merging with a major competitor. For the first time in years, my job was at risk. We put our heads together and tried to decide what to do. With pressure mounting on all sides, we approached our church for counseling.

Counseling was easy. We knew the first answer. Tithe. The second answer was pray. Now someone reading this is saying, “That approach wouldn’t work for me.” I’ve heard the arguments and have made them myself. It won’t work. It can’t be done. The money isn’t there. Our counselor dubbed our situation “the most hopeless case I’ve ever seen” and “only the second time in 9 years I’ve counseled bankruptcy.” I can’t tell you what to do I can only tell you what we did. We tithed; we prayed; and we looked for God to show us solutions.

God responded immediately when we began tithing. The money just appeared out of nowhere. It wasn’t enough to solve our problems. God wasn’t through with us but it was enough to show that He was there waiting.

Did you know that if you make over a certain amount it’s almost impossible to successfully declare bankruptcy? We were ready to do it. Give up everything and walk away. But a law change in 2006 said that I made about $450/month too much money to do so. The sticking point ultimately, again, came down to the tithe. Now we were wiser and refused to give in. We would not give up the tithe.

From May through November little positive happened. The collectors called and we waited for God to show up. I found that time especially difficult. It seemed to me that unless God provided a miracle, my only options amounted to total failure. It added up to being enslaved by my debt for the rest of my working life. Perhaps if we were careful and diligent and lucky we could dig ourselves out of our hole by retirement. It was truly slavery where all of our disposable funds would be absorbed by our creditors with no resolution. I told myself constantly that surely God didn’t want me to be a slave this way. I wouldn’t be a slave!

Nothing happened and I died a bit at a time. One day as I was reading the Bible I came across a passage where Paul told slaves how to act towards their masters and to become free “if they could.” It occurred to me that perhaps it was God’s purpose for me to live in slavery to debt. Perhaps by living a life of hope in that awful situation my testimony could shine for those who otherwise would not see it. God had asked others to live with worse. Financial freedom itself had become an idol to me and it was time to give it up. I resigned myself to the possibility of losing my future hopes and dreams if God had other plans for me.

As I let go of my plans and said “your will Lord”, God showed up. It was difficult and complex, but God changed the complexion of our problems. Tens of thousands of dollars were removed from the debt. What remained was restructured and we went from -$2000 per month to a little in the black each month.

Dozens of other things settled themselves. My job stabilized into essentially what I was doing before, except for an organization 5 times the size. I attained my PMP certification. Our medical expenses started disappearing. Most importantly, our lives were back in sync with God’s will.

Sometimes success requires a paradigm shift. Not only a shift in what you are doing but a shift in the way you see the world. The Christian Life itself is a paradigm shift. God is gentle with us and within our walk we find ourselves shifted again and again towards God’s unique perspective.